There is no remedy for love but to love more

3:00am: Ohhhh ohhh ohhh oh sweet child of miiiiiiiiiiiine.....
It is 3 o clock in the a.m. and im a tiny winy bit drunkety drunk drunk drunk.......
I just ate mcdonals.....
SOOOO FUCKING GOOD RIGHT NOW
I like parties
NOt crazy ones
but good ones
where you know people
and they know you
and everyone's just chillin
and knowing people
I don't like guys...
who are shallow.....
and who lie.....
and who tell you things they don't mean
But I love friends!!!!
and scary movie nights!!!!
I feel kind of alone....but in a good way.......if that makes sense
Independent is the word im lookign for?
I don't like how everyone is secretly ranked
On a system so shallow....
and yet it never changes
But i like scary movie nights!!!!!!
Life is strange
But alcohol is always there!
The End!

4:43pm: Ball and Chain I call my own
Cuz I was always taught that boy meets girl,
fall in love get married and forget the world,
nine months later sweet baby's on the way.
Isn't that what they used to say?



Sublime always has this way of making life okay.
Not that it really wasn't before, but ....well ok I guess it wasn't.
I had, still have, so many expectations for myself.
I didn't meet any of them, or maybe I did and just didn't realize it.
I feel lost.
I feel scared,
and yet free at the same time.
I don't know exactly what I want,
but I know I want to be me.
I'm tired of trying so hard,
and yet I feel the urge to work harder than ever
I want to find myself, except I won't let myself.
In the period of my life where the decisions I make are most crucial,
I can't seem to make any.
I thought college would be different from high school, but not really.
I'm holding myself back, except I don't know from what.
I thought I knew myself so well senior year, but I really didn't.
I want to surf,
I want to start reading books, that actually stimulate my mind,
I want to feel inspired again
I really thankful to have such caring friends,
and to go to such an amazing school,
I'm extremely happy with everything on the outside of my body,
yet frustrated with everything on the inside of it
My life seems to be a walking contradiction,
and yet I'm content.


And with that I leave you with my most favorite quote from Sublime:

"Well I can't take pity on men of this kind,
even though he now takes it...in the behind.......DATE RAPE"
:)

3:59am: 19.....
Quote of the day from my drunk-ass brother.....

~Kelllllllyyyyyyy, happy birthday! So....you know what they say about them 19 year olds....

~No kevin, what do they say...

~ohhhhh, you knooooooooow....

~No Kevin, I dont

~Um.....uh....well........theyre........you know.........1 year older than those 18 year old bitches....




Ahh....It feels good to be home! <3

1:25am: I never felt too good, but in this world who would...
I've realized something..............good things scare me.
Because they can never last, so it's almost like
what's the point?
If something good can fade just as quickly as it came, was it really that good?
Is anything really that good?
If good things don't last, then what does last.......

Don't you hate it how you can have an awesome day and then one comment can just completely throw you through a loop?
You don't know why but it continues to bug you, even when it shouldn't.
Which bugs you even more because you're bugged that it's bugs you, and you can't even figure out the thing that is bugging you to try and figure out why it bugged you in the first place!
Buggers!

Is it weird that  I feel more comfortable when people insult me rather then compliment me?
I think this may be the later effects of O.S.A.  - Older sibling abuse
lol but seriously......
You'd think with all the psychology I've learned I'd be able to figure myself out.
I just wish sometimes I could answer a few questions..............................but no. never.

12:26am: Soundtrack to my Life
Opening Credits:  Beverly Hills - Weezer
Waking Up:  Window in Paradise - Sufjan Stevens
Falling in Love:  Into the Mystic - Van Morrison
Fight scene:  Uninvited - Alanis Morisette
Breaking up:  How to Save a Life - The Fray
Getting back together:  Glory Us - Acceptance
Secret Love:  Strange and Beautiful - Aqualung
Life's okay:  I'm yours - Jason Mraz
Mental breakdown:  My Reply - The Ataris
Driving Flashback:  How I Go - Yellowcard
Partying:  Control myself - LL Cool J
Happy dance:  Get up offa that thang - James Brown
Regretting:  A lonely September - Plain White T's
Long night alone:  Seeing things for the first time - Black Crowes
Final Battle:  Our time is running out - Muse
Death scene:  Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
Ending credit:  All for you - Sister Hazel




Somebody come and see "Nacho Libre" with me this weekend.
I think it looks HILARIOUS.......and I think am alone on this
I am DYING to get out of the house.
PLEASE!

Thanx.

1:04am: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v303/iheartyoureyes/word.jpg




Thanks to Lauren Bankert.
:)

1:03am: And I used to dream about a day that never came
It's funny how you can outgrow people
It's funny how some people never seem to change
How you can mature, but the people around you still stay the same...for better or worse.
It's funny how you may think you've outgrown these people, when really the smallest comment can bring you back to where you started.

Maybe that's what supposed to happen after high school
You come full circle, back to freshmen year all over again
After all, we are going to be freshmen in college, right?

It's funny how just when you thought you had all the answers
Just when you thought you finally had things figured out
Just when you became completely comfortable with the people and places around you
Everything changes
And you realize that you didn't really know anything at all
And it's back to square one again

It seems like I've spent the last four years trying so hard to find out who I really am,
And now it seems like it I have to do it all over again
I felt the same way in middle school before entering high school as well
I feel like I've tried so mnay times to find this out, and came close, but never really succeeded
So is that just gona keep happening? That cycle?
I really thought I was over this soul-searching stage of my life, and it's starting to feel like I never really left, I just took a break.
Maybe nobody really exits this stage of their life, maybe it's what keeps them going.

This entry seems incomplete somehow, and I don't know why.

12:11am: My heart was wrapped up in clovers...
<sub><sup>GUESS WHO RAISED HER GRADE FROM AN "F" TO A "C" IN Dr. BUCKLEW'S CLASS?????



Graduation....here I come!



With a "B" in the class I might add.




:)</sup></sub>

2:09am: I have simply wanted an object, to crave
I'm mad at my dad.
I don't why that's so hard for me to say.
Probably because I'm not allowed to be.

I was sick this weekend, and for the first Friday night in a long time I stayed in.
I didn't realize how easy it was to become bored.
I hate being bored, because, in my case, it usually leads to depression.
Depression?... or maybe justs gives me the opportunity to finally think about the things I try so hard to run away from.
The things I try so hard to avoid by keeping myself so busy that I don't have time to think them.

"I have deep-rooted hostility towards my father" or so my parent's marriage counsoler says.
He doesn't hit me or my mom, cheat on my mom, doesn't do anything bad to us.
In fact, he just, doesn't do anything, really.
He's just a body,
an empty body,
that goes to work, goes to the grocery store, consumes his beer when he comes home, and watches television all night long.
An inbetween makes degrading, sarcastic, just plain mean comments,
or excuse me "jokes" to my mother,
my mother with CANCER now,
which constantly make her feel not good enough.
And instead of being supportive, makes HER feel guilty for having cancer. Says its ruining the family and ruining his life. Says she's over-reacting, over-emotional, and that she's crazy.
But that's another issue.
He's just a body,
an empty body,
in the house, consuming alcohol. Drowning in a sea of his own self-contempt.
That's it, that's all he's ever been to me.
An empty soul too involoved in his own self-pity to even look up from the Television and listen to me.

But I'm not allowed to be mad at him.
He pays all the bills, brings home all the food, pays for my college education, gives me money whenever I need it.....
so how on Earth could I be mad at such a saint?
Is that all a father is?
Someone who gives you money now and then when you need it, and doesn't bother to even say hello? Or ask how your day was?
Except when around his co-workers. Suddenly we have the best relationship in the world.
It may sound spoiled of me to say I don't appreciate it, cuz I do, but I honestly couldn't care less about the money.
I can get that myself.
There are more important things in life.

The therapist said he is an alcoholic. Point-blank. No if, ands, or buts. But he doesn't believe it.
The therapist also said this is the reason I've never dated anyone, I don't know how to connect with anyone of the opposite sex.
Then the therapist asked me how I felt about my father.
All I could say is that I didn't feel anything, I just wanted him to stop hurting my mom.
She said feeling nothing is easier than feeling something.



I'd sure hate to know what its like to feel something,
cuz right now, feeling nothing hurts like hell.

7:22pm: Thought you had, all the answers....
O Spring Break.
This is probably a little late to be updating about my Spring Break but it took me forever to load my pictures.
There are no words to describe the cruise.....just.....as Reel Big Fish would say:
"Craaaazy-Amaaaaaazing!"
I felt like
I learned a lot about myself this trip,
or at least re-affirmed some things I had forgotten.
W/e, this probably makes no sense at all. So without further ado....

8:55pm: The open road is calling and begging for us
"Brght Spring Morning" has become my new favorite song.
I seriously keep listening to it over and over again. 
After I updated my ipod, it became my one of my top 25 most played songs....after only 2 days. wow.
It's going to be my new philosophy on life from now on.

~Anywaz, on the topic of life, here is something that made my day~
Location: Field of Greens
Time: 11:30-ish
Subject: An old cityplace security guard
Crime: Attempted use of cheesey pick-up lines on women 1/2 his age


"Excuse me girls.......but when I called for back-up......."
(Jacque, Audrey and I exchange looks of concern thinking we're in trouble)

.............I wasn't expectating Charlie's Angels!"

Jacque, Audrey and I look at each other, speechless.


Gotta love old guys.
But I guess it's kinda fitting an old man hit on us,
considering that, according to Jacque,.....I am grandma-size.

THE ANGELS





SOOOOOO much hotter than these angels if I do say so myself.



That's all
:)

11:59pm: I wanted everything but this, all I want is happiness
So I was at the dentist today
And some really nice, old lady in the waiting room complemented me on my hair
I thanked her and then we started talking
I told her I go to Dreyfoos Highschool of the Arts and that I'm a senior

"Oh you're a Senior! How nice! I hope you're enjoying it."
"Yea, I guess I am"
"Oh, well make sure you enjoy every single moment of it.
Make the most out this year, because you will never get the chance to live it ever again."

It made me wonder.
Am I really living my senior year to the fullest?
I have my pictures, my memories...
but am I realllly enjoying my time as a senior as well as I know I can?
It seems like I've been spending a lot of time thinking about what I'm ABOUT to do,
instead of actually doing it.
OR thinking about what I WANT to do,
instead of actually doing it.
Or thinking about what I don't have that I wanted by my senior year,
instead of actually getting it.




That needs to change.
Right now.
It doesn't have to be picture perfect.
Or everything that I wanted it to be.
I just wanna have fun.
No more hesitation for this girl.




Whose with me?

10:01pm: Everyday is a winding road...
So, Gainesville.
A pretty cool place.
It has everything I need:
A Starbucks (2 to be exact)
A Panera Bread
A "downtown" clubbing area (18 and older, none of this 21 and over crap)
People falling alseep with textbooks on their faces while resting in the sun :)
GUYS
A beautiful and relaxed campus
School spirit (something I never really had at Dreyfoos)
People laying out on the grass in their bathingsuits trying to get a tan (nice to know I won't be the only one out there)

Oh yea, and that learning place we go to to get an education...


It was interesting to see where I'd be spending the next four years of my life.
I have mixed emotions about it though.
Excited, because of all the freedom you have,
And nervous....because of all the freedom you have.

I'm not really scared about college,
I looked at some of Polly's calc homework and it's the same stuff we learned last year. I can deal with that.
I can just picture myself as being the kind of girl who does her laundry for the very first time away from home and ends up making all her whites come out pink...
Or gets yelled at by a professor because she walked in 5 minutes late...
Or calls home every weekend because she was homesick...
Or chooses to skip out on all the drunken parties because she would rather do her laundry (which was still pink) and watch a Gilmore Girls marathon...
Or misses her very first class at college cuz she got lost on campus...

But, I actaully think I'm okay with that.
Or with whomever I may turn out to be as a person, I think I'll approve of myself (haha, that was an akward sentence).
ANYWAZ, I have to give major props to Polly for leading us around the campus, it was pretty helpful.
Here's some pics for your enjoyment:



2 Badass Gators right there:



Me laughing at a squirrel (dunno why, just thoughbt it was funny)




Me at the stadium




Climbing up the stairs to the football stadium...





This is what you see.....




3 very cute Chicas!


And I just thought my dog looked badass here so I posted it



:)

11:29pm: Dear World,
Why do I procrastinate thine homework so?
Why doth the weather not fit for the beach?
Where for art thou is MY Romeo?

If you could answer these simple qiestions, that'd be GREAT!
Thanx.



Sincerely,

A rather restless, college-bound, ready-for-change-but-doesn't-know-how-to, simple kind of girl.

11:26pm: OMG I'M FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!
MY BROTHER JUST MET WILL SMITH!!!!! I'M SO JEALOUS!!!!



Wanna know how he did that??


It's all because of the band "ONE"
Which has a song called "Control Freak" playing on the radio right now.
You should check out their song and friend them on myspace:

http://www.myspace.com/thebandone

This band is AMAZING
STUPENDOUS
RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME
it ROCKS HARDCORE

And also happens to be my brother's band....lol
He's on tour right now, with SEVENDUST! (for those who don't listen to heavy metal music, that's a pretty big name).
AND he is on tour with Jada Picket Smith's band as well(the wife of Will Smith.....see the connection now?)
Ok, let me tell you, Jada Picket Smith's band SUCKS!!!!
OMG!
This little, sweet, cute woman whose married to the man who made "gettin giggy with it" a household name is on stage screaming, not singing, but SCREAMING heavy metal, satanic, I wanna fucking-kill-you music!
IT'S THE WEIRDEST THING YOU'LL EVER SEE!!
However, if she didn't have this band, then my brother would have never met Will Smith AND I never would have discovered that ........are you ready for this??????



I'M TALLLER THAN JADA PICKET SMITH!!!!!!!!!!!!




Oh yes, it's true. I got to meet her. In person. SO AMAZING!
hahahahaha take that world!
No more outlier/short/You-can't-even-see-over-the-steering-wheel jokes for Kelly......well alright.....that's never gonna stop......but still.....THIS MAKES ME VERY HAPPY!
But besides for that I'm pretty stoked for him. He's having an awesome time on tour.
He's the bass guitar player in the band "OME".....a.k.a. the only white guy with dreads.
Oh, and also....


****THEIR SONG IS NUMBER 2 ON THE BUZZ PLAYLIST!!!*****


They even beat Jack Johnson, System of a down, Seether, White Stripes, Mudvayne, Skindread, Etc.
on the Buzz radio station that is.
NUMBER 2!!!!!!!
AHHHH! So exciting! I'm proud of him.
If you don't believe me, go here:

http://www.buzz103.com/modules.php?name=Buzz_Playlist

BUT.....I repeat for emphasis....add them to your friends on myspace:

http://www.myspace.com/thebandone

1:33pm: Hell Yes......I'm movin this way, I'm doin this thing
Why?...................






Because we are crazy




Because we "slide slide slip-a-dee sliiiide"





Because we match walls






Because Audrey's head is in the clouds











Because I try to be sexy







Because Jacque is sexy






Because we ROCK!!
















That's why.

5:19pm:

Your Pick Up Line Is

I may not be Wilma, but I can sure make your bedrock.

5:32pm: Here's to the nights we felt alive....
Was it just me, or did it feel like we never left school?
It's exactly how we left it, but something's different.
Same classes, same teachers, same familiar faces, same routine.
But something's different.
I can't quite put my finger on it, but something's changed.
In a good way though.
I think this will be a good year.

ANWAYZ, now that you have witnessed Kelly's deep thought of the day, without further ado, I show you a taste of my many EXCELLENT pictures that I've taken with my
NEW DIGITAL CAMERA!!!!!


Things I did over break:

ICE SKATED


CHILLED WITH BROTHERS



LAUGHED



POLE DANCED



JAKE DANCED



GREETED THE NEW YEAR



FOUGHT CRIME



FOUGHT MELISSA



FOUGHT FOR A PILLOW




SURRENDERED



GOT STUCK IN A HOLE




WATCHED ASHLEY.....WELL I DON'T REALLY KNOW




WENT SHOPPING



BECAME A MOVIE STAR (haha)



SAW BILLY JOEL!!!!





AND FINALLY......ATE AUDREY!!!








I LOVE my new digital camera!!
I really do.
I went a little....um....picture crazy after I got it...
oops.

If you wanna see how crazy I REALLY got, go here:
http://photobucket.com/albums/y248/kellycole87/


I love staying up all night for no reason at all...
NOT becasue you have homework.
I wish we could have one more week of vacation.
That would be fabulous.
Wow, I just said fabulous......
I think I've been watching too much Sex and the City.

Well, Enjoy the pictures yo.

P.S. Did I mention how much I love my digital camera???

12:22am: We were both 18 and it felt so right....
Sooooooooooo,
A lot has happened in the past few days.
A lot of emotions...
A lot of surprises...
A lot of FUN...
And a LOT of food has been eaten.

BASICALLY, I can whole-heartedly, 100%, honestly say that I couldn't ask for better friends or family.  

It all started on Thursday.
Actually, it started like a week or two before that, I just didn't know it.
I was in a bad mood for the past 2 weeks because:
1) I had bronchitis
2) I was getting a lot of B's in my classes (stupid, I know, but that's me)
3) My mom was stressed (mom stressed =  me sad)
4) Finding out that for my birthday NONE OF MY FRIENDS WOULD BE IN TOWN
5) Having everybody cancel plans on me afterschool Thursday (Nobody wanted to hang out with me? wtf was going on?)
6) I found out I had to ride on a Yacht for my dad's work party on Thursday instead (ew...can we say boring?)

Anywaz, to make a long story short (too late lol)
I was in a bad mood, and didn't feel like doing ANYTHING (especially pretending to be cute and sweet to a whole bunch of 40 year old men I didn't know....I'm not Lauren.....J/K J/K J/K! I Luv you Lo!!!!!!!)

Then around 7 o clock on Thursday that all changed.

(doorbell rings)
Mom (sitting on couch): Oh that must be the....ummm....fed-ex man...why don't you get it?
Me: Why don't you? (I told you I was in a bitchy mood lol)
Mom: Ummm....I don't wanna answer it alone...
Me: What??? Since when???
Mom: Oh just.....please.....I'm your mother
Me: OK FINE

(opens door)
Brittney: Are you ready for some serious fun?
Me: What?
Guy in Tux: Your chariot awaits (points to a FREAKIN LIMO!)
Mom: Oh and by the way, we're not going on a Yacht tonight (winks)
Me: (speechless)

And then Kelly and all of her friends rode off into the moonlight night in their white "chariot" (lmao), and danced the night away at Mykonos, and then lived happily ever after!  
:)


Well, after that story, Christmas came like 5 minutes later lol
As much complaining as I did about it not feeling like Christmas, when it came down to it it did finally feel like it.
That made me happy.
I don't know if it's because I wasn't stressed about school anymore, or because my friends and family had finally stopped lying to me after 2 weeks straight, or because of all the AWESOME FOOD I've been eating lately (I think I've eaten more in the past 3 days than I have the entire MONTH - no joke), or if it was because I actually thought about my family instead of myself for a change.

After much food, poker games, food, movies, after-dinner naps, desserts, after-dessert naps, more movies, games, food, laughing, presents, and did I mention food? I had time to think.
It's funny to see how situations you thought were one way, turned out to be the opposite after knowing the truth.
I guess that's the difference between being a teenager and an adult.
How we view the situation.
Teenagers tend to think the worst and make it out to be about themselves.
They're so involved in their self pity that they can't see things/people clearly.
What seems like the worst thing can really turn out to be the best.
Adults (well most) know constancy, that if the things/people in your life don't fit exactly into your picture perfect world, that life still goes on. In a good way at that.
It took the whole surprise thing to make me realize that.
And realize that it was a little childish of me to be in such a bitchy mood (BUT I wouldn't have been nearly as surprised.......ponders......)
This was a good way to enter my 18th year.
To become an adult.


Thank you guys.

<3333

P.S. You know your dog is fat when:
            
         * She gets stuck behind the couch and she can't get out without the assistance of humans*

Don't ask.
 

10:28pm: How do you measure a year in a life.
I hate being sick.
I hate having bronchitus.
I hate how I got my family sick.
I hate the cold weather....that's not really here.
I hate having mostly B's this quarter.
I hate believeing I can get A's on all my exams when in reality, I know I can't.
I hate holding myself back.
I hate that I'm gonna be an adult in 9 days.
I hate not knowing what I'm good at.
I hate that I keep doubting whether or not UF is the school for me.
I hate how I can't let go.
I hate that I don't know what I'm supposed to let go of.
I hate when my mom cries about her cancer.
I hate that I can't fix it.
I hate how I can always find some reason to to feel 2nd best.
I hate how I can't stop myself.

I hate having free time to think...
Because this is what happens.



Happly Holidays everyone.

7:28pm:

Your Element is Water

Your power colors: blue and aqua Your energy: deep Your season: winter Like the ocean, you evoke deep feelings and passion. You have an emotional, sensitive, and spiritual soul. A bit mysterious, you tend to be quiet when you are working out a problem. You need your alone time, so that you can think and dream.

I find this kinda ironic considering I hate the Winter....
even if it does include Christmas, New Years, and my birthday.
lol
Although...everything else is pretty accurate.

5:15pm: Shuffle your music device of choice and pick the first 14 songs!
1. How does the world see me?
"I'd do anything" - Simple Plan
(Excellent! lol)

2. Will I have a happy life?
"Scotty Doesn't Know" - Eurotrip soundtrack
(So, I THINK I'll have a happy life, but really my boyfriend will be cheating on me the entire time and then on graduation day will break up with me??)

3. What do my friends really think of me?
"You can do it" - Ice Cube
(haha! hell YEA my friends know I can put some "back" into it... espeically at Mykonos lol)

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
"Fat Lip" - Sum 41
(I have no idea what this means lol)

5. How can I make myself happy?
"Men in black" - Will Smith (Men in Black soundtrack)
(So fighting off evil Aliens planing to take over the world will make me happy?)

6. What should I do with my life?
"Everybody's gotta learn sometime" - Beck (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind soundtrack)
(Learn WHAT? wtf? I don't like this one)

7. Why is life full of so much pain?
"Scream" - Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson
(Because Multi-millionaire Pop stars molest little children while making good music to dance too with their sisters?)


8. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
"Why do all girls think they're fat" - Reel Big Fish
(Gain weight? What?!?)

9. Will I ever have children?
"I'm too sexy" - Right Said Fred
(LMAO! Pshh...I'm too sexy to have children)

10. Will I die happy?
"Come fly with me" - Frank Sinatra
(I'll die while flying?? Ok this survey thing is really starting to depress me)

11. What is some good advice for me?
"Dance Inside" - All-American Rejects
(I have to let go and stop being scared?
I guess that is true...)

12. What is happiness?
"Andy you're a star" - The Killers
(Being a star that nobody notices is happiness??)

13. What is my favorite fetish?
"To Get down" - Timo Maas
(Haha I like to get dooooown with my bad self)

14. How will I be remembered?
"Lowrider" - ZZ Top
(HAHAHA! 5'1" and TONS of FUN! Oh the irony lol)

11:19pm: This is what I do instead of doing my homework......
KellyCole87: when you translate this
KellyCole87: "I'm going to get down at the club tonight."
KellyCole87: it says
KellyCole87: Im gonna git dizzle at tha C-L-to-tha-izzub tonight.
BDavidson131: ahhh Amaaaaazing
BDavidson131: gtg get dis shiznit finizzled befo tomorrizzle
KellyCole87: goood thinkizzles
KellyCole87: that sounds like a dog food
BDavidson131: it does
BDavidson131: thinkizzles...for the smart pet!
BDavidson131: thinkizzles and bizzles...like kibbles and bits, but more ghettofab
KellyCole87: actually, it'd be kinkizzles and bizzles
KellyCole87: alright....that just sounds dirty now
BDavidson131: KELLY
BDavidson131: okay, that's like the third time today
BDavidson131: you and your dirty, dirty, mind


Thank you Mr. Snoop for the WONDERFUL
www.gizoogle.com
I HIGHLY recommend this to anyone who is easily amused
(i.e. Audrey, Brittney and I)


I love not having to worry about grades anymore
I got my acceptence letter from UF in the mail today
It was nice to know that my eyes weren't playing tricks on me when I saw the "Congratulations" on the computer screen Friday lol

You spend so much time and energy invested into getting into college, that you forget what you were working for in the first place.
But to all of those who haven't gotten their acceptence letters yet, I promise you it all comes together when that one little word appears out of nowhere:
"Congratulations"


It hasn't quite sunk in yet, but I'm starting to get REALLY excited about college.
To get HELL OUTTA HERE
I'm a "college babe" now as Lauren pointed out to me the other day lol
I'm still not 100% sure what I want to do yet, but I guess I'll figure it out in good time.





In the MEANTIME I leave you with this.......



Audball88: should we be doing homizzle?
KellyCole87: naaaaaizzles
KellyCole87: I spelldizzled that wrong
Audball88: its decembizzle man, we can be korizzy
KellyCole87: exactizzle
Audball88: hahahazzile
KellyCole87: amazingizzle
Audball88: pimpizzle
Audball88: shiizouts to K E double lizzy
KellyCole87: fo shizzle

5:49pm: Congratulations! The Office of Admission has approved your application to the University of Florida for the 2006 FALL term.

An official notification of admission and additional materials will be mailed to you soon.

On behalf of the Office of Admission, welcome to the Florida Gator family!

5:02am: If you open your eyes you'll see that something is wrong...
Holymotherofgod it's 5 am.
Why the hell I am up at this hour I have no idea.
Actually, that's a lie.
I do know....it's because I couldn't sleep.
I just spent the last 6-7 hours tossing and turning and not getting ANY sleep.
I'm sick too, sleep is the one thing I neeeeed.

I hate that feeling -
When you're sick and all you want to do is sleep but you can't.
Your entire body aches and every position you try sleeping in just hurts even more.
You try breathing out of your nose but its stuffed so you can't.
So you then try breathing out of your mouth but it hurts your throat.
Your head hurts and you eyes burn from lack of sleep.
And then you think your going crazy because it seems like the less sleep you get the more energy you have.
Frustrating.

I tried listening to my ipod to see if that would help, but it didn't.
It just made me think.
Correction, it just made me worry.

About:
my sucky grades
my nonexsistent college applications
my mom and her yearly check-up for her eye cancer coming up
my make-up work from missing school
my friends
EXAMS
getting accepted into college...

BASICALLY my entire future/life.

I find out about UF in a couple of days.
I REALLY wish I knew the exact date it was gonna be online.
The anticipation is KILLING me.
What the HELL is early-mid December anyway??
The FSU people were told the exact date of acceptance...why can't UF?


Ugh, I wish I could take a break from life.